You don’t know more about trans oppression than a trans person

(Stop) Condescending to Trans People

“The sooner you see that, (sic) the least (sic) transphobia you’ll have in the world. You will be able to have more honest and productive conversations with those you think are your enemies, out to get you”

These were the words shared with me by a self-described “radfem” two days ago on one of my articles. She was referring to my assertion that denying genderqueer and nonbinary identities existence is transphobia.

In addition to that comment, she left a few angry ones, one of which asked if I would be happy if misgendering became a jailable offense. I guess reading about trans people really upsets her!

Anyway, no, you don’t get to tell trans people what’s transphobic. You don’t deserve an explanation or experience to “prove” each nonbinary person’s identity. You are not entitled to any of this, nor are you being attacked by it.
The sad truth is that many things are transphobic. Who better to tell you that than a young trans person?
Her high-and-mighty stance gets under my skin, since I know she’s only talking to me this way because of my age. I can nearly guarantee I’ve experienced 100x more transphobia than this cis woman, and here she is talking down to me about how scarce transphobia is. Telling me to essentially (pun intended) get over it and learn to have “productive/honest” conversations with transphobes is a dangerous ask. If I want to take care of myself, interacting with people like this (TE)radfem is not in my best interest. Same with anyone else who thinks I’m invalid. As you might be able to tell, reading shit like her words has an effect on my mental health. I spent a day at the beach, away from cell service, and still couldn’t stop thinking about her words.

She also asked why my “need for validation trumps [her] freedom of speech”, in a thinly veiled swipe at me for asking to be respected.
Have your freedom of speech, I say, but why are you using it to bully a minority? Seems like hate speech but okay.
She also referred to trans people’s “demands” for respect as “narcissistic”, as well as a “need for validation”.
This one hurt, and I have a question for older people: everyone, cis people included, needs validation and respect, right? do you ever stop needing external validation?

If I’m sincerely alone in wanting to be referred to with my name and pronouns, or at least alone in being absolutely crushed when people refuse to, I guess I am fucked. Is this the case? I doubt it.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store