I don’t think expecting your partner not to say something like “[people of your gender] don’t do that!” is the same as expecting instant acceptance. If I were in that situation that would constitute a toxic relationship, but obviously I didnt have the experience of the many loving years you two shared before you realized you’re trans. Maybe my partner is an exception since she’s trans too (and maybe I’m just naïve) but I would never ever expect to hear something like that from a loving partner.